This might seem strange, but I've been thinking a lot about fear recently.

Not fear in the obvious sense. The kind of fear that makes you run away.

I'm thinking about the quieter kind. The fear that can sit below our leadership decisions and disguise itself as wisdom.

Sometimes fear sounds like:

“I'm just being realistic.”

“It's not the right time.”

“Someone needs to keep control of this.”

“They're not ready.”

“What will people think?”

“I can't afford to get this wrong.”

Now, sometimes those things may be true. Sometimes they're not.

Sometimes we just need to admit we're afraid.

Fear doesn't always look like fear

Of the many things I have learned from over 37 years of leadership is that self-awareness matters because we don't always see ourselves clearly.

We can be very good at explaining our decisions to ourselves.

Yet, in all honesty, the explanation isn't always the whole story.

I've had to learn to ask myself some uncomfortable questions.

What am I afraid will happen if I let go?

What am I afraid will happen if someone disagrees with me?

What am I afraid will happen if I get this wrong?

What am I afraid people will think?

Those questions reveal something about what's really happening below the decision.

Conviction or protection?

All this means there is one question I keep coming back to:

Am I leading from conviction, or am I trying to protect myself?

There is a difference.

Conviction can require courage. Fear often wants safety.

Conviction may require us to have the difficult conversation. Fear tells us to avoid it.

Conviction may require us to give someone else responsibility. Fear tells us to keep control.

Conviction may require us to try something new. Fear tells us to stay where we are.

This isn't about pretending fear doesn't exist. It's about refusing to let fear quietly become the thing leading us.

This is why leading yourself matters

I've become increasingly convinced that leadership development begins much closer to home than we sometimes think.

Before I lead a team, I have to understand myself.

My thoughts.

My emotions.

My motivations.

My fears.

My values.

My assumptions.

Why? Because whatever is happening inside me eventually influences the way I lead other people.

It is one of the reasons Leading Yourself Well is the first of the three areas I'm developing through the Lead You Collective.

Not because I've mastered it. Rather because I've spent 37 years discovering how much work there is still to do.

Perhaps this is true for all of us.

Reflection

What might change in your leadership if you became more aware of what is driving your decisions?